What to do when you give up your dreams

Don’t panic. It’s actually a good thing.

A year ago, if you asked me what my long-term plan was, the answer would’ve been clear: to become a freelance writer and move to Barcelona.

The city looked magical when my bus from the airport took the roundabout at Plaza de España in 2014, during my first visit.

Several more trips — sometimes of a few months at the time — showed me that even at its worst, and at my worst, the city’s architecture, weather, and people never failed to lift my spirits.

The more time I spent there, the more it became the promised land, the place I could unleash my creativity and realize my full potential. It was a place of wonder and beauty, with lovely weather and boundless inspiration.

In my mind, Barcelona became shorthand for ultimate happiness and success.

If you ask me what my plan is today, in New Year’s Day 2021, as I stand on the near-empty beach looking at the sky turn pink with the early morning sun, the answer is not so simple anymore.

So, what happens when you work toward a goal you no longer believe in or find fulfilling?

Forgive yourself

Commitment is important, but it’s also important to know your limits and accept your new circumstances.

When your life and perspective of life changes, your goals can change, too. But sometimes, we’ve invested so much into our goal that we’re reluctant to give it up or even tweak it.

When it happens, it’s important to return to your why. Why was your goal so important in the first place? Try to go as deep as possible and notice if you’re rationalising the decision.

Nobody likes to quit something important, especially when they’ve spend so much time and energy on it.

But if your goal no longer means what it used to, or if it’s no longer compatible with your life and values, the motivation will not be there anymore. The pursuit of your dream is no longer fulfilling — it becomes a chore.

In the end, you end up frustrated for not working on a goal you no longer want to pursue.

Don’t discard your goal right away

You might just need to tweak it instead of discarding it.

I do want to make a living out of writing and work in different projects, but I no longer believe that the only way I can feel fulfilled is by living in this one place.

Instead, decide where I’d like to live next based on different criteria.

Was I happy there before? Is it practical to move there? Does it have what I’m looking for — a decent public transportation system, reasonably safe, lots of cultural and creative outlets, well-connected?

2021 has found me looking at the deepest question. Why am I doing what I’m going? What am I working for? Is it worth the effort?

While I don’t have all the answers yet, I feel free to admit that it’s time to let some old dreams die with the person I used to be. New goals and challenges are on the horizon, and I can’t wait to tackle them.